this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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