she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
