I CAN MOONWALK!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
