god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
