i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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