If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
