i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
