i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
