i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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