At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Damn victory sex feels great
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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