he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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