it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
