the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
