I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
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HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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