I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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