His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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