Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
