god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
