And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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