Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
