cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
