You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
