Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
