Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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