need another drink. this is the easiest way
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
