he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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