no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
