Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
