she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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