i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
