I am midnight drunk by noon
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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