this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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