Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just high enough for therapy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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