Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
