yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
