yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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