His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
