I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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