now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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