Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
