who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
