when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
