The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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