Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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