Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
