We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
