I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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