do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she peed on how many people?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
