apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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