so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
