proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I want a musical about memes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
And then he peed in my hair
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