I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
did you just send me my own nude
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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