obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
