this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
