hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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