I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
