dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
