just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
