Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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