I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
