I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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