Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
