do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
