She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
