just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
