Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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